.:: S W E E T H E A R T ::.



          

 

shaaed ke ess ki taraf barhay koi dastay shauk - ronda hua gulaab fiza main uchaliay

  • Women
  • Element Name: WOMAN
  • Symbol: WO
  • Atomic Weight: (don't even go there)
  • Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at any thing and may freeze at any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if mishandled.
  • Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity with gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Volatile when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a shinier specimen.
  • Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful wealth reducing agent known.
  • Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.
  • Man And Women
  • The man discovered COLORS and invented PAINT,
    The woman discovered PAINT and invented MAKEUP.

    The man discovered the WORD and invented CONVERSATION,
    The woman discovered CONVERSATION and invented GOSSIP.

    The man discovered GAMBLING and invented CARDS,
    The woman discovered CARDS and invented WITCHERY.

    The man discovered AGRICULTURE and invented FOOD,
    The woman discovered FOOD and invented DIET.

    The man discovered FRIENDSHIP and invented LOVE,
    The woman discovered LOVE and invented MARRIAGE.

    The man discovered TRADING and invented MONEY,
    The woman discovered MONEY and invented SHOPPING.

    Thereafter man has discovered and invented a lot of things
    While the women STUCK to shopping

  • What Women Want in a Man

  • Original List (age 22)

  • 1. Handsome
    2. Charming
    3. Financially successful
    4. A caring listener
    5. Witty
    6. In good shape
    7. Dresses with style
    8. Appreciates finer things
    9. Full of thoughtful surprises
    10. An imaginative, romantic lover

  • Revised List (age 32)
    1. Nice looking (prefer hair on his head)
    2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
    3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
    4. Listens more than talks
    5. Laughs at my jokes
    6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
    7. Owns at least one tie
    8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
    9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
    10. Seeks romance at least once a week
  • Revised List (age 42)
    1. Not too ugly (bald head OK)
    2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
    3. Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally
    4. Nods head when I'm talking
    5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
    6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
    7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
    8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
    9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
    10. Shaves most weekends
  • Revised List (age 52)
    1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
    2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
    3. Doesn't borrow money too often
    4. Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting
    5. Doesn't re-tell the same joke too many times
    6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends
    7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
    8. Appreciates a good TV dinner
    9. Remembers your name on occasion
    10. Shaves some weekends
  • Revised List (age 62)
    1. Doesn't scare small children
    2. Remembers where bathroom is
    3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep
    4. Only snores lightly when asleep
    5. Remembers why he's laughing
    6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
    7. Usually wears some clothes
    8. Likes soft foods
    9. Remembers where he left his teeth
    10. Remembers that it's the weekend
  • Revised List (age 72)
    1. Breathing
    2. Doesn't miss the toilet.

  • True meanings of the words Women use
  • FINE
    This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks - This will cause you to have one of those arguments.

    FIVE MINUTES
    This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.

    NOTHING
    This means "something," and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with "Fine"

    GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows! )
    This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine"

    GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows)
    This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care" You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

    LOUD SIGH
    This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"

    SOFT SIGH
    Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.

    THAT'S OKAY
    This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow."

    GO AHEAD!
    At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

    PLEASE DO
    This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay"

    THANKS
    A woman is thanking you. Do not! faint. Just say you're welcome.

    THANKS A LOT
    This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing.


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